Relationship Issues

[terryschmidt]

Have any of you had tough times in your relationship while trying to have a baby. Mu boyfriend and I (together for 9 years) have been trying to have a baby for the past year and have been unsuccessful. Lately it seems like we get into more and more fights over it and often end up not talking for days on end. Maybe its because we are not married. Who knows. He always says that he does not believe in marriage but wants to have a family. When we get to moments like this I feel maybe he doesn't want marriage so he has an easy way out. I know I should not be thinking about it but I am. Has anyone got into things like this? Would some sort of counseling help?

Thanks in advance for listening

[val]

wow, that is a lot. i think most couples with infertility issues are going to fight about it at some point. for my marriage, we fight about how far to go with everything. i would basically do absolutely anything, but my husband has his limits on what he feels is right to do.
as for the getting married part, i have friends who say that being married for them was no different than being together without it, but for us, we both felt that it was different. Closer. then again, 9 years is a long time. i think everyone will be different on that. i do think that counseling wouldn't be a bad idea, especially if the lines of communication aren't as good as you want them to be. maybe a third party that doesn't know either of you may help you understand each other's feelings better, rather than deciding who's right or wrong, which i think we tend to do to each other in relationships.
good luck!

[jessesgirl]

I totally agree with Val. My husband and I actually went through counseling about a year and a half ago and it did help open up the lines of communication that were quickly dwindling. We had a lot of misdirected anger through frustration and we did argue about what meds should be taken , what procedures would be done, etc. But as we grew apart having another person help us talk again made our relationship stronger. I think we are closer now than we have ever been.

[cherylm2008]

hello ive been tryin for 2years now and would love to talk to someone and maybe share experiences etc.... any1 wanna talk add me on msn babygyal_2007@hotmail.co.uk or email me x

[terryschmidt]

Welcome Cheryl.

Looking forward to getting to know you.

[BellsOn]

Hello to you as well cherylm. Just joined myself.

[lovelylily]

Hello Terry, definitely IF brings up issues. My DH and I also did some counseling. IF has brought us to the brink of divorce twice. Once starting treatments, and then after our m/c. IF is very hard to go through as a couple, but I agree with the other gals. After counseling, we were stronger than ever. Don't let that fool you though, it's still a uphill battle a lot of times, but I think it just gives you the tools to be able to deal with it. Good luck and welcome!!!

[Lisa]

Everything I have read on infertility has said that it can play a big part in your relationship. It is a very difficult thing to go thru and sometimes can make or break a relationship. The biggest thing is to try to talk to each other about your fears and emotions. And to know that both partners may not agree on the steps you take.

I wish there was a magic answer on how to get thru this without it causing problems in your relationship. HUGS