My One Great Sadness with Having a Baby at 45

Let me start by saying that I am blessed beyond measure especially in being given the gift of my precious baby girl.  When I look at her, I am frequently moved to tears at the blessing she is to me.  As my daughter approaches 9 months (where did 9 months go?), I have started thinking about having a second child. 

As many of you know, I walked away from a career as a corporate executive to focus on having a baby as a single woman at age 44.  I always wanted children and now that I have my daughter, I find I enjoy being a mom more than anything I have ever done.  I want another child for me and for my daughter.  While I am sure that I will remarry someday, right now the only parent my daughter has is me and the only grandparent she has is my mom.  That means when my baby is in her 30's or 40's, and I am gone, she will be alone in terms of family. 

As I think through the possibility of having another child, I hear the words of my OB, "I wish you would have started sooner."  The truth is that I tried for years and gave up.  I remind myself that it is useless to go back and play "what if".  It doesn't change a thing.  In fact, I believe that everything has happened just as it should have in my life. 

So I come to the sad part.  While I have not ruled it out completely, I lean more and more to not trying for another child.  Even though I am very fit and a "young 45", I am still 45.  Will I have the energy in 5 years to give 2 small children all they need?  Is the risk too high given my age and possibility of a genetic disorder?  Should a single woman have 2 children with no spouse to help?

I have recently found Jennifer Hull who wrote a book about having a second child.  I ordered it yesterday.  Even the insights on her website have been helpful to me. 

In many situations there is joy and sadness.  The joy with my daughter far outweighs the sadness of her being my only child.  I will continue to think through the situation, read Jennifer's book, and keep you posted.  As I count my many blessings, I encourage you to count yours as well!


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