Infertility Etiquette: Navigating Infertility Without Hurting Others or Getting Hurt

This week’s Creating a Family radio show will be on Infertility Etiquette: Navigating Infertility Without Hurting Others or Getting Hurt.

It is often so hard to know what to say and do when you are infertile or someone you love is infertile. Join their guest Dr. Janet Jaffe, a clinical psychologist in private practice in San Diego, CA. She is the co-founder of the Center for Reproductive Psychology, and co-author of two books: Unsung Lullabies: Understanding and Coping with Infertility and Reproductive Trauma: Psychotherapy with Infertility and Pregnancy Loss Clients.

Creating a Family is a great resource and I love Dawn Davenport's list of ten things to say when you are asked if you're going to have kids.
1.

“We would love to have kids right now, but it hasn’t been as easy as we had hoped.”
2.

“No, not yet, but please keep us in your prayers.”
3.

“When we decide, you’ll be one of the first to know.”
4.

“That’s a more personal question than I feel comfortable answering. Can you believe the weather we are having?”
5.

“Ask God (or the power that be) because I sure have no idea?”
6.

“That’s such a personal question, why do you want to know?”
7.

(Say nothing, and give a little smile or shrug.) “Would you like some more of that cheese dip?”
8.

“Thanks for your concern. How about some more chips?”
9.

“We recently found out we’re infertile and are seeing a specialist.” At this point, you have two choices.
*

You can say nothing more. At which point, you will likely be on the receiving end of advice, success stories, and over-sharing of way too personal information about sexual positions and frequency. If this is not what you want, quickly change the subject.
*

You can quickly follow with “This is a really tender subject for me, so I’d rather not go into details right now. Thanks for caring and respecting our privacy.”
10.

You ask me this question every year. Can we make an agreement that when we decide, I’ll let you know? That way you don’t need to keep asking.