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Break the Guilt/Shame Cycle

Submitted by Angie Sun 02/15/2009
Imagine feeling guilty for something over which you have no control. Yet women struggling with infertility do this time and again. In her book, I Am More Than My Infertility: 7 Proven Tools for Turning a Life Crisis Into a Personal Breakthrough, by Marina Lombardo, L.C.S.W., and Linda Parker (Seeds of Growth Press, 2007), Lombardo addresses the critical need to look at shame and guilt during infertility:

One of my clients, Amy, recently shared her experience. “I felt so bad about myself, so isolated, like I was watching everyone else move forward in their lives,” she said. “I imagined I was disappointing everyone: my husband, my best friend, even our parents.”

Amy recognized a pattern of punishing herself by putting herself down. “I realized that this feeling started to snowball. Whether I was at home or work, I began blaming myself for everything, doubting myself in areas where I used to feel confident. I was telling myself, ‘I can’t have a baby, so I can’t do anything!’”

It’s critical that you take blame out of the equation. You didn’t cause infertility to happen to you. Whatever life decisions you made, you made them based on the information you had and what seemed best at the time.


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